22: You Need a Nap Agenda
Today we are going to talk about why you may need what I call a nap agenda. The term is made up, but the strategy will save you a lot of energy when you are mentally and physically fatigued.
It’s so common for seasoned mothers to tell new moms, “nap when the baby naps” and then the new mom just says, “oh sure yeah good advice” and then proceeds to try to maintain her home and routine at the pre baby standards. I certainly did. But it wasn’t because I thought it was bad advice, I just knew I couldn’t relax with dishes in the sink or a pile up of laundry. Unfortunately, I wasn’t doing myself, or my house, any favors when I had a newborn at home. After the initial weeks postpartum, but before my son was really giving us any extended sleep stretches, I would find myself in distracted zombie mode when he went down for his first nap of the day.
It’s like this: after a tiring night, day comes. And when the first nap starts you think: It’s day time what do I need to clean up or get done. So you start to do one thing and something catches your eye that needs to be put away. Or maybe it’s laundry that needs to be turned over, or folded. And then you don’t even realize you’re walking around your house from room to room aimlessly sort of getting trivial things done. And, lots of partial things end up done, but nothing feels fully finished or accomplished. Then when your baby wakes up, you haven’t done anything to restore yourself, or even gone to the bathroom!
For those of you who cannot relate to this experience because you are nailing the ‘nap when baby naps’ thing- I applaud you. But If you have experienced anything like what I am describing here, you need a nap time agenda.
A nap time agenda is a short list of the things that recharge and restore you. A simple go-to protocol that even when totally sleep deprived and anxious you can know exactly what to do (at least your first nap window or opportunity).
I created mine after one day my husband stopped me, mid walking through the living room, and suggested I needed to go lay down. I think I had that crazy sleep deprived look in my eye. Anyway, I realized that I needed to prioritize a few things for myself, and to this day if we have the random up at night experience, I turn to my nap agenda.
Here’s how you make one: you think of (or write down) the top two things that are really restoring to you. (Unfortunately I do not mean an all girls cruise or yoga retreat although I encourage you to do that if and when you can). I mean the basics. The things that really work for all people for restoring, healing, and mood boosting like: getting morning sunlight, rest, nutritious meal, hydration, and basic hygiene. I encourage you to get all of these in, but not to create a perfectionist I to-do list. That would be counter productive here and create more stress. No, I mean to pick the couple things you know you're going to when you’re drained.
Here are some examples:
Molly knows she can’t relax with a messy house so she does a 5 min max sweep to put a few things away/reset and lays down for a nap. She can skip a shower as long as she’s rested.
Steph on the other hand feels renewed when she takes a shower. It really refreshes her. She also is chronically not drinking enough water so as soon as her baby goes down for the first nap- she drinks some water and takes a shower.
Melanie keeps skipping meals and it’s hard for her to sit still when there are things to be done. Her mind doesn’t quiet easily, but once she is still she realizes just how tired she is. Her nap agenda is to make sure she’s fed herself some real food and take a nap.
Maxine’s mood is significantly improved when she gets outside in the morning sun and fresh air. But she knows she can do this with her baby- so she sneaks that into the first wake window, then when her baby takes a nap she hydrates and naps. If her baby falls asleep on the walk or she has a shorter window she’ll do a non-sleep deep rest guided meditation which she often does fall asleep to. (There’s a ten minute free YouTube of this by Dr. Huberman and I’ll link it in the show description for anyone intrigued by this).
So after those examples, what can you think of that really gives you bang for your buck as far as caring for yourself. I highly encourage you to bring in all components of nutrition, hydration, rest, and hygiene as you move through your day especially during the postpartum period when your body is healing and shifting from pregnant to postpartum. However, having your top couple in mind means you don’t have to spend time or energy deciding what to do every time your baby takes a nap. And, you aren’t following someone’s seemingly blanket advice (which again might be very good advice). Instead you will have catered your plan to you.
Please send this episode to any mom zombies you may know, and if you find value here please rate the show- it’s how shows grow. See you next week!
Resources mentioned in this episode: