29: How to Support a New Mom

When a close friend, or someone you want to support, has a new baby, sometimes it’s hard to know how to support them unless they provide direct instructions. Which can be difficult for a new mom to do, since they are still getting oriented to the postpartum experience. Today, I’m going to provide you with three very easy ways for you to support her. And believe me when I tell you, these simple acts go a long long way.

If you are a new mom or soon to be new mom yourself, these are great suggestions to give to those asking what they can do for you. People love a concrete idea on how to help since they are usually juggling their own life while trying to figure out how to be supportive. 

That feeling… of wanting to help but not knowing what to do can make it tricky to show up as part of someone’s village. But luckily I’ve been keeping track of the things that new mothers find to be most helpful when they have a newborn at home. 

These are easy to do, and you can pick whichever one is realistic for you depending on your own schedule and stage in life. You don’t need to do all of these. Even one of these gestures can lift a new mom up and remind her she is not alone during this big and often isolating life change.

The first one is my favorite, and that is to bring her food. I can’t suggest this one enough. You can bring something when you visit or drop off some muffins by the door. You can leave them, shoot a little text to her so she knows there’s food outside and then there’s no pressure for her to get presentable or feel any social obligation for a visit if she’s needing to rest. Just be sure that someone is home to get the food off the porch.

My imagination has already created a story that there’s like a sneakily little raccoon living near your friend who will try to claim it…but in reality they may just not be home to get it inside before it goes bad.

I suggest attaching the recipe to anything you bring so if there are any dietary preferences she knows exactly what she’s eating. And of course, depending on her nutrition preferences you can make them lower in sugar, non dairy, or add mini chocolate chips.

I will link to a nutrient dense muffin recipe (here’s the recipe) that someone left for me when I had my baby which I now frequently make (they do taste strongly of banana so if that’s not your thing I suggest finding a different recipe). Another great food option is a hearty soup that can be frozen and reheated when needed for tricky evenings. My personal opinion is that during the postpartum healing period, quality and nutrient dense food is very important for healing tissues.

If cooking isn’t your thing or you feel the recipient is too picky of an eater, then a gift card for a meal delivery is a great alternative option. Food is a great way to support someone who just had a baby because bringing food is one of the most caring things you can do for another human.

Next up, is semi-regular texts or check in’s where it’s clear there is no expectation of a speedy response. The kind that just lets them know you’re here for them and that you understand they may be preoccupied. Here’s an example: “Hey Jane, no rush on a response, but I just want you to know I am thinking of you and am here if and when you need me.” or “Hey Jane, just checking in to see how you’re doing. I’m heading to the grocery store later today, is there anything I can pick up and drop off for you?” or even “Hey Jane, how’s your headspace? I know for me, that when I had a newborn the lack of sleep felt really hard around this time.”

Being available when they need you or are ready for visitors, but at the same time clearly communicating you are patient and respectful of any space they need, also goes a long way when communicating. And be sure to check in long after the rush of people excited for the birth announcement have gone back to focusing on their own lives.

When you do visit, please be mindful of overstaying. While some moms don’t mind long visits and even find it helpful to give you a job to do while you’re there. Other moms get depleted and need a rest after socializing, but wouldn’t be comfortable asking you to leave. Consider if your friend is direct or indirect, extroverted or introverted, and if she needs you to initiate leaving. Leaving at the right time allows her to take a rest, nap, change her giant pad, shower, or whatever else she needs to have a mini reset. And then visit again soon:)

And finally, my last tip today on how to support your friend with a new baby is to share your favorite resources. Friends can’t (or shouldn’t) play the part of an expert… unless they are an expert. Most of the time a close friend’s experience is based on only their own personal experience, which makes it all too easy to accidentally give advice that was really good for you but not her. 

However, as a close friend, you provide support and value that can’t be found anywhere else. And that is a trusted referral. Think about it. If someone you trust recommends or vouches for a massage therapist, doctor, counselor, new restaurant, whatever. It provides a level of vetting and trust that just doesn’t come from an internet search. Oftentimes, a good referral from a trusted friend is the difference between getting help or not.

While these simple acts of providing nutritious food, reaching out, and offering vetted referrals may seem simple, they are in my opinion some of the greatest ways you can support someone on their motherhood journey. Because each of them impact a larger ripple connected to healing, feeling connected to others, and getting help to avoid snowball issues.